One of the good things about having my heart attack is that it made me very interested in Hospice and the work that they do. People leading “normal” lives seemed in a different world to me; people facing death seemed to be in the same world. Trauma usually results in the the belief of a foreshortened future; heart attacks have a way of instilling this belief.
This is the continuation of the article about dreams in a Hospice setting, by Monique Sequin. Well worth reading; we all will know folks going through the process of dying — including us.
When Should I Get Off the Bus?
‘’I’m standing up in a yellow bus. I’m looking out the window, there are other people… I’m saying to myself, “How will I know when I should get off the bus?
Will there be somebody to tell me?”
I had time to ask her if she remembered how she felt in the dream. She told me that she was feeling calm and good in the dream. Then suddenly, we were
interrupted. I wanted to ask her more questions, but this wasn’t the time or space to do that. I left her knowing that she had some deep questions in her soul.
I learned a lot from that dream, even if I only had time to listen to Mrs Juliette’s telling of her dream. We didn’t have the opportunity to share and discuss more than just the dream. However I did leave her with the feeling that someone had cared enough for her to listen to herdream and be concerned about her feelings associated with the dream. I also gave her my undivided, personal attention. We shared a moment together in the ‘here and now.’ What
gave me pause were the deep questions she needed to have answered at some point in the future. It was clear to me that while the Morphine was doing its
job in taking care of her physical pain, the dream scenario was reflecting whereshe was emotionally ‘standing’ at that point in her life. For me it was the
beginning of my interest in the patients’ dreams and the beginning of my journaling the dreams that patients would share with me. I did eventually share this woman’s dream with her children after her death. One of them said, ‘’Mom always did stand up, even until the end’.’\
My Dream comes true
For more than 20 years I had been working in a community hospital’s psychiatric ward. In August 2002, a colleague called to say she read that a
hospice was going to open up shortly and suggested I apply for a position. Without hesitation, I did.
Working as part of a team that understood and welcomed my idea to ask patients about their dreams was such a privilege. As an evening nurse, I
would often say to my patients ‘have a nice dream’ as I tucked them in for the night, as part of my bedside care. There was always an opportunity while
preparing the patient for bed to ask if he/she dreamt. The question evoked varying reactions from patients and was quite interesting. Sometimes it was just
a smile or a nod, which then gave methe opportunity to ask one more
question, such as ‘Would you like to tell me your dream?’’
There are many examples I could share with you. Scenarios that allow us to see where the patient is in their process. Dream stories that help to prepare the
family to face the fact that their loved one is close to death and also helps staff remember to deal with family dynamics.
Here is just one powerful example:
Jacques had been admitted for only a few days. He had made a special request that the staff and volunteers not go in his room unless he requested. His family was with him, except for the night. The first and only contact I had with him was to bring his medications and see if he was free of pain. That evening his daughter came out of the room, crying. She told me that her dad had just told her that he was afraid of dying. She asked me what she should tell him. She was very close to her dad. I just had the idea to say: ”Have you asked him if he dreams?’’ I was not sure how she would receive my suggestion. She said that’s actually how she knew he was afraid, because he had told her a dream that made his fear, clear.I wanted to hear the dream from Jacques, but how to approach him?When he was taking his pills, I said to him, ‘Did you have a good night, a nice dream? Do you dream sometimes?’’ Yes, he said, looking me straight in the eyes. His dream was very short. but so helpful for him and his family.
“Everything is black’’ he said, nothing else…. and without waiting for another question, he added: “That means I’m afraid of dying.”
His daughter was there, in silence. I asked Jacques if the dream was closeto what he was feeling, and this allowed him to open the door on a subject he
was trying to deal with all by himself. He was trying to avoid the subject with his loved ones. For a good twenty minutes, he talked about his fear of
facing his death even though he was religious. To hear him talking suddenly and so openly was a gift for me and for his daughter, who just listened all the while. Even though the dream is short, it made a big difference for the family. A few evenings after, his daughter told me that the family was openly talking with him about what they would have to face eventually.
After eight years of paying attention to the dreams, my method seems to be catching on with the other nurses. Nurses are asking and documenting
patients’ dreams in their medical charts, especially when they are pertinent to the patients’ emotional well being. It is important to know that the nurses are
NOT doing an interpretation of the dreams, but rather listening to the feelings that the dreams illicit. The goal is to get the emotion from the dreamer.
Now I’m A Co-Author!
After compiling so many of my patients’ dreams, I had the chance to chat about my observations with Nicole Gratton, the founder of The Dream School in
Montreal (Ecole Internationale de Rêves Nicole Gratton). I told her how a dream could be helpful in the care of patients who were dying. Since her interests
were similar, we combined our stories into a book which was recently published.
I am thrilled that not only was my own dream realized by being the author of this book but by having the opportunity to share with others what a dying
persons’ dreams look like and how we can use these dreams to help a patient feel comfortable with what is happening in his/her own life. Families have
benefitted from the re-telling of their loved one’s dream and many have felt it was a final gift to them and helped them in their bereavement process.
I have had many opportunities to share patient’s dreams with families and health care professionals. People need to know that the dreams can be used
as a ‘tool’ in the dying process. It certainly is a tool that can open a door to more intimate communication between a patient and nurse or patient
and family. It is a ‘listening’ tool. It is a tool that in the listening, caring is evoked and possibly even healing.
Dreams as a tool can provide some guidance in assessing where a patient ‘is’ in terms of the illness, with his relationships, etc. Sometimes we have
seen a progression of the dreams over time as a patient gets closer to dying. The earlier we look at the dreams, the earlier we are able to help the patient
in his journey closer to death.
So if it ever happens that you are in a situation where you will accompany someone at the end of his/her life and you can’t find anything to discuss, just
do what I did eight years ago and try asking the question, “Do you dream?”
You might be surprised by the answer. ∞
Monique Seguin, Montreal
(If you would like to contact Ms. Seguin, please let me know.)
[This article was in Dream Network Vol 29/1]
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